CISD – Critical Incident Stress Debriefing
OK GO – A band
This is another in what I thought was a complete series of dealing with PTSD using the music of OK GO. For over 4 years I’ve been seeing parts of my recovery in the lyrics of their songs and the images of their accompanying videos. What started as a 2 song idea has clearly expanded as my recovery does.
Then we realized the healing process is almost complete in Part IV – This Too Shall Pass.
When we think everything is OK we see the boys on their treadmills and realize Here it Goes Again. We were done. Or were we?
Recently OK GO released the video for their song Upside Down and Inside Out, filmed on a zero G training plane. A number of the lyrics from this song struck chords with me in relationship to my continuing recovery.
“So when you met the new you, were you scared? Were you cold? Were you kind? So when you met the new you, did someone die inside?”
I was stopped in my tracks by that line, it hit me like, well like the song says immediately following that line and in an aggressive tone, “DON’T STOP! CAN’T STOP! IT’S LIKE A FREIGHT TRAIN!”
Coming out of my injury period and trying to get back my mental footing was a challenge I look back on often when I wonder what we all do, “Am I the best person I can be?”
When I met the new me I did feel like someone died inside. Was it the old me? The questioning me? The scared me? It wasn’t until almost 2 years after the injury that I came to complete terms with it, or so I thought. Hearing these lyrics got me thinking about not just trying to move on but dealing with this nagging feeling: If that had ceiling had never knocked me down, would I be the same person today?
The song goes on to tell us…
“Looks like it’s time to decide. Are you here? Are you now is this it? All of those selves that you tried…wasn’t one of them good enough?”
Well, damn guys, here I am again wondering how you can read my thoughts, this line had me confused I admit. You go on to tell me “Because you’re upside down and inside out and you can feel it. Inside down and upside out and you can feel it. Feel it.”
Right as I contemplated this line, that when things are upside down and inside out, arguably completely messed up and you can feel something good, that must be a good thing, right? Then we mix it up and create more chaos by telling me I’m inside down and upside out and I can still feel it? That must be good, right?
Uh oh, here comes the freight train!
All the chaos, all the confusion, all the crap they had going on in this video, and I’m seeing my recovery. Up is out, in is down and I can’t shake the feeling that I’m supposed to be someone else sometimes, some other person.
Of all the selves that I tried…is this one good enough?