To: All Field Paramedics
From: Acting EMS Chief Happy Medic
Re: Addition to pharmacy stock
Left out of the AHA update this year (again) was an important medication we will begin carrying immediately.
REALITEE (Worldnotwhatyouthinkatall HCL)
Overview – As you recall, a few months back we added the Maan Pill (Maanitoll) in an effort to make adult males take responsibility for their actions. We’ve seen excellent response from administering Mann Pills when indicated, so we’re taking another step in that direction by adding Realitee.
History – Due to a lack of understanding of the definition of liability and a confused command structure, Realitee was never allowed to see the inside of an ambulance, until now. The lack of Realitee in the field is a direct cause of most of the problems facing not just EMS systems, but healthcare in general. Since Realitee is rarely used, we see fit to begin administering it where it can make the most difference – the field.
Indications – A lack of realitee in the circulating blood stream often causes delusions of entitlement (poor and baby boomer alike) but is also seen in what appears to be a normal healthy individual. Persons will present without a treatable condition, a chronic ailment already under a Doctor’s care, or be simply looking for a ride across town.
Contraindications – Children are already aware of Realitee and will rarely need additional doses. If anything they should be given Realitee inhibitors depending on the situation. There is no Realitee inhibitor currently on the market, use your best judgement on when to shield children from Realitee.
Action – It is believed Realitee reacts in the brain lifting the rose ocular sensory balance to allow the patient to experience the real world around them. It changes long standing opinions about what they expect and allows rescuers to advise them what they need and what they get. Realitee also acts to lubricate the eustician tube to allow drainage, which allows the rescuers words to enter the ear drum and be heard by the brain.
Dosage – Realitee is administered in stacked dosages, starting small and growing as the patient begins to respond. Avoid excessive administration of Realitee as paradoxical reactions can occur, causing patients to regress to an alternate Realitee state. This can not be treated in the field, or in hospital, but takes decades to reverse, use with caution.
Side Effects include, decreased unit usage hours, decreased hospital transports, decreased supplies use, increased public awareness, increased public health, increased respect for rescuers, increased crew morale. If effects last more than 4 hours, consider an additional dose of Realitee.
Realitee is also available in an industrial sized dose for EMS and Fire Department Managers who refuse to consider new and innovative ways of delivering the service they are tasked to oversee. Use cautiously, as with patients, too much Realitee could cause regression to the alternate Realitee when more patches means more care or where less patches means better care, but delayed better care. Realitee is a balance that the community, not the industry decides.
Realitee – Because we care enough to show you the real world you live in.
Now available at the yard for immediate stocking.
That is all.