Usually its my patients that bring me the greatest thrills, but so far today (I’m again here at Medic 99) our best chuckle was from a pedestrian.
While returning from an actual legitimate run (I know, Oh my god!) we went through a trendy part of town to girl watch, um, check for road closures, when we noticed a car in the middle of an intersection. In this area there is a large above ground trnsit system and the car is almost blocking the tracks, but the train operators seem to get by just fine.
As we approach, curious, we see the man standing in the crosswalk, facing the car, mere inches from the bumper, jaw clinched and shaking, just slightly, holding a grocery bag.
We are able to see the car is occupied and appears to be in the park gear since it is stopped and the brake lights are out.
We light up ol’ 99 and block the fellow in the crosswalk so folks turning don’t make him into a customer. The following is too crazy not to be true.
HM – “Hi there? Are you OK here in the street?”
Baldy – “I want this woman detained, I want the police, she almost hit me. She’s not from around here and she refuses to back up and go the other way.”
HM – “Do me a favor and just step over to the sidewalk before you get hurt.”
Baldy – “I’m tired of this!” the shaking gets more noticable. Not a seizure, but years of frustration coming to a head. In anticipation my driver undoes his seatbelt and cracks the driver’s door. If this guy charges us he can kick the door at him, buying me time to run like a coward.
“This is a NICE NEIGHBORHOOD!” and there goes the top. He screams into the sky. In a movie, birds would have flown away and the shot would have widened out.
HM Driver – “Why not just bang on the hood of the car, take down her license number and go about your day?”
Baldy – “You’re not from here either. I’m not moving.”
HM – “What do you want to do? You can’t stay in the street all night.”
Baldy – “I’m not moving until the police make me move.”
Looking around, a crowd is beginningto gather. A woman offers her cell phone to the man, “Here call 911 from my phone” she tells him.
HM – “HELLO? We’re already here.” I grab the mic knowing this will get them giggling at the dispatch center. “Fire control this is Medic 99. I need PD at [our location] for a man standing in the street, causing a hazard.”
“99 can we get a description?”
I couldn’t resist replying: “He’s standing and in the middle of the street, approximately 10 feet northwest of our van.”
A few more minutes of trying to talk this man to the curb and no result.
The blue lights pull up and an officer I recognize gets out and immediately our friend Baldy is moving.
“Get out of the street you idiot!” calls the officer and Baldy jumps onto the curb and the car begins to pull away.
“Oh no you don’t” says the other officer who steps infront of her car, “You’re getting onto the curb too, this is stupid.”
He said it. He gets to say what I want to say. Unfair.
And we’re still laughing 2 hours later. I imaging the officer ended their meeting with, “Now shake hands and say you’re sorry.”